Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Why Do Men Commit to Less Attractive Women?

I decided to write a blog on this subject because I have often asked myself this question.
 We all understand when we see a man who is a "great catch" with a gorgeous woman, it makes sense, all seems right in the world, but what about when we see the opposite?  I want you to put aside what the media says on this subject and look realistically at your own life. The idea that men are only obsessed with looks is simply not true. Do not get me wrong, men don’t want a woman who is ugly, but looks are simply a perk and not the determining factors for most men in relationships. Think of all the men you know who have casual encounters with many beautiful women only to never call them again, then you look at that same man two years later and he is married to a woman who is relatively plain in appearance. I’m sure all of us know at least one man who fits into this category.  The answer to this phenomenon is simple. Regardless of all the stereotypes out there, men to this day still DO truly care about what is on the inside, and the ones who don’t, you are not likely to be interested in anyway. 

While men may SAY and truly believe they want women who are all dolled up and spend hours on their appearance, the reality is that women who are not obsessed with shopping, fixing their hair, and caring for their appearance are often more confident and independent than their vain counterparts. Men SAY they want a beauty, but secretly wonder who the “dolled up” woman is trying to impress, and it ruins the chase for them.  More plain women must rely on their virtue, intelligence, and kindness to attract men, and therefore attract men who are looking for wives or serious relationships because those are qualities men want to carry on throughout the generations (yes even more than good genes). Women who treat themselves as objects, wearing short skirts, loads of makeup, and spend hours fixing their hair, end up getting treated as objects. Often these women are admired for their beauty, and no matter how untrue it may be, because of their looks, men assume they are not “serious” potential life partners.

Due to years of cheerleading, sorority life, and work as a part time actress, I have been surrounded by beautiful women most of my adult life. Throughout my years of observation I began to see a pattern develop, the most beautiful women I knew never seemed to have a shortage of “male problems” and heartache. I saw it time and time again, the class beauty would observe in shock, as the man they adored would leave them in leiu of a chubbier, plainer girl who had a “frumpy” sense of fashion.  All this after the beautiful girl had done “everything right” spending hours at the gym, confining themselves to the strictest of diets, and obsessing over their clothes and appearance.  

One theory explaining this is discussed in “why men marry some women and not others” by John T Molloy. Men would have to worry more about the attractive woman cheating on them, and know there will always be other men vying for the beautiful women’s affection.  You always know in the back of your mind other guys want her. So when it comes to settling down, men aren’t necessarily looking for the most attractive woman, but one who will be faithful.  By the very fact a woman does not put “much thought” into her outward appearance, it shows she is not looking for attention, and therefore less likely to stray.  (Again, I am not saying any of this is true, but what men subconsciously think and judge). did an article titled, “An Ugly Wife: The Benefits”  The article served as a way to explain, how a man can date so many gorgeous women, yet end up marrying a woman who is merely attractive or even less than average. Here are a few of the reasons the article gave.

1) A benefit of marrying a more plain woman is that she will be more likely to appreciate you, as she doesn’t feel entitled or expectant of your attention the way a beautiful woman would.

2. You will be seen as more genuine, as people will think you are the kind of guy who cares about inner beauty.

3. A good personality –She will have to develop a personality, this can also be found in late bloomers.  The models I was friends with had no desire or need to “work on their personality” as men flocked to them,  when you get constant reinforcement through laughs and kind gestures from men, on every social outing you go on, it makes it difficult and far less imminent of a need to work on ones personality. Hence why the men would ALWAYS be immediately drawn to them, only to stop calling and go for another girl a mere few weeks later. Under all the beauty there is often times simply no substance.

4. She is more likely to have similar interests. Women who are gorgeous often come from families who put a lot of thought into appearance and beauty, hair products, surgeries, pageants, balls etc. Women who are more plain tend to value other things and come from families who do as well. A plain woman may be extremely devoted to her religion, extremely passionate about a political cause etc.  While the beauty can entertain a man for a time, when it comes to picking a life partner, these things are extremely important to a man. If it comes down to it, a man would gladly choose a woman who shares his faith and interests and activities over a woman who is beautiful but which he has nothing in common with.

In the end, despite all the media hype and stereotypes Men are just humans looking for love and companionship in a mate. They truly do look for qualities such as virtue, whether or not a woman will be a good mother, kindness, and compatibility.  If you are a beautiful woman this is not an article “dogging” you, Men would LOVE to have a beautiful wife, but not at the expense of more important qualities.

An exception is in the case of obesity. While a man may not mind a few extra pounds, ( Trust me Brandon sticks by my side regardless of if I am 100lbs or 120lbs) most men, whether they are a “great guy” or a “shallow guy” do not want to be with a morbidly obese or even regularly obese woman, ESPECIALLY when looking for a life mate as those dangerous and destructive eating habits could be passed on to further generations, and can highly effect the kind of lifestyle and activities a couple can share.

This has shown to be evident in my own life as well, while I certainly think I am attractive, I am by no means a model or dropdead gorgeous. However Brandon has dated Hawaiian tropics models, models, gorgeous women who are 6 feet tall, and all around very beautiful women who are ten times more attractive than me. Yet when it came to who he wanted to share his life with, he chose me. Why? Because he truly values the interests that we share, he values that we come from similar backgrounds, and that he can talk to me and feel at ease with me. So there you have it, for those of you who have wondered why men simply don’t just marry the prettiest girl they’ve dated, its because they are looking for more than that. What a nice surprise.

If You would like to read more on this subject, I have attached a few interesting articles below.