Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Why Do Men Commit to Less Attractive Women?

I decided to write a blog on this subject because I have often asked myself this question.
 We all understand when we see a man who is a "great catch" with a gorgeous woman, it makes sense, all seems right in the world, but what about when we see the opposite?  I want you to put aside what the media says on this subject and look realistically at your own life. The idea that men are only obsessed with looks is simply not true. Do not get me wrong, men don’t want a woman who is ugly, but looks are simply a perk and not the determining factors for most men in relationships. Think of all the men you know who have casual encounters with many beautiful women only to never call them again, then you look at that same man two years later and he is married to a woman who is relatively plain in appearance. I’m sure all of us know at least one man who fits into this category.  The answer to this phenomenon is simple. Regardless of all the stereotypes out there, men to this day still DO truly care about what is on the inside, and the ones who don’t, you are not likely to be interested in anyway. 

While men may SAY and truly believe they want women who are all dolled up and spend hours on their appearance, the reality is that women who are not obsessed with shopping, fixing their hair, and caring for their appearance are often more confident and independent than their vain counterparts. Men SAY they want a beauty, but secretly wonder who the “dolled up” woman is trying to impress, and it ruins the chase for them.  More plain women must rely on their virtue, intelligence, and kindness to attract men, and therefore attract men who are looking for wives or serious relationships because those are qualities men want to carry on throughout the generations (yes even more than good genes). Women who treat themselves as objects, wearing short skirts, loads of makeup, and spend hours fixing their hair, end up getting treated as objects. Often these women are admired for their beauty, and no matter how untrue it may be, because of their looks, men assume they are not “serious” potential life partners.

Due to years of cheerleading, sorority life, and work as a part time actress, I have been surrounded by beautiful women most of my adult life. Throughout my years of observation I began to see a pattern develop, the most beautiful women I knew never seemed to have a shortage of “male problems” and heartache. I saw it time and time again, the class beauty would observe in shock, as the man they adored would leave them in leiu of a chubbier, plainer girl who had a “frumpy” sense of fashion.  All this after the beautiful girl had done “everything right” spending hours at the gym, confining themselves to the strictest of diets, and obsessing over their clothes and appearance.  

One theory explaining this is discussed in “why men marry some women and not others” by John T Molloy. Men would have to worry more about the attractive woman cheating on them, and know there will always be other men vying for the beautiful women’s affection.  You always know in the back of your mind other guys want her. So when it comes to settling down, men aren’t necessarily looking for the most attractive woman, but one who will be faithful.  By the very fact a woman does not put “much thought” into her outward appearance, it shows she is not looking for attention, and therefore less likely to stray.  (Again, I am not saying any of this is true, but what men subconsciously think and judge). did an article titled, “An Ugly Wife: The Benefits”  The article served as a way to explain, how a man can date so many gorgeous women, yet end up marrying a woman who is merely attractive or even less than average. Here are a few of the reasons the article gave.

1) A benefit of marrying a more plain woman is that she will be more likely to appreciate you, as she doesn’t feel entitled or expectant of your attention the way a beautiful woman would.

2. You will be seen as more genuine, as people will think you are the kind of guy who cares about inner beauty.

3. A good personality –She will have to develop a personality, this can also be found in late bloomers.  The models I was friends with had no desire or need to “work on their personality” as men flocked to them,  when you get constant reinforcement through laughs and kind gestures from men, on every social outing you go on, it makes it difficult and far less imminent of a need to work on ones personality. Hence why the men would ALWAYS be immediately drawn to them, only to stop calling and go for another girl a mere few weeks later. Under all the beauty there is often times simply no substance.

4. She is more likely to have similar interests. Women who are gorgeous often come from families who put a lot of thought into appearance and beauty, hair products, surgeries, pageants, balls etc. Women who are more plain tend to value other things and come from families who do as well. A plain woman may be extremely devoted to her religion, extremely passionate about a political cause etc.  While the beauty can entertain a man for a time, when it comes to picking a life partner, these things are extremely important to a man. If it comes down to it, a man would gladly choose a woman who shares his faith and interests and activities over a woman who is beautiful but which he has nothing in common with.

In the end, despite all the media hype and stereotypes Men are just humans looking for love and companionship in a mate. They truly do look for qualities such as virtue, whether or not a woman will be a good mother, kindness, and compatibility.  If you are a beautiful woman this is not an article “dogging” you, Men would LOVE to have a beautiful wife, but not at the expense of more important qualities.

An exception is in the case of obesity. While a man may not mind a few extra pounds, ( Trust me Brandon sticks by my side regardless of if I am 100lbs or 120lbs) most men, whether they are a “great guy” or a “shallow guy” do not want to be with a morbidly obese or even regularly obese woman, ESPECIALLY when looking for a life mate as those dangerous and destructive eating habits could be passed on to further generations, and can highly effect the kind of lifestyle and activities a couple can share.

This has shown to be evident in my own life as well, while I certainly think I am attractive, I am by no means a model or dropdead gorgeous. However Brandon has dated Hawaiian tropics models, models, gorgeous women who are 6 feet tall, and all around very beautiful women who are ten times more attractive than me. Yet when it came to who he wanted to share his life with, he chose me. Why? Because he truly values the interests that we share, he values that we come from similar backgrounds, and that he can talk to me and feel at ease with me. So there you have it, for those of you who have wondered why men simply don’t just marry the prettiest girl they’ve dated, its because they are looking for more than that. What a nice surprise.

If You would like to read more on this subject, I have attached a few interesting articles below.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Just Jump

Due to our location, we are only minutes away from mountains that are several miles high, waterfalls, natural pools, and extreme hiking trails. As a natural result, much of our free time is spent rock climbing, and hiking in the abundant natural playground around us.  On this particular day, we dropped our daughter off with the sitter, because we were doing a trail that was not so “kid friendly.” There was a group of 7 of us hiking along the trail on our way to go cliff jumping. Anyone who knows me, would say I am “adventurous”, “outgoing”, and “brave”..but what these same people do not know about me is that I am deathly afraid of heights, and thrill rides and activities such as roller coasters.  I absolutely love exercise and hiking, and even amateur rock-climbing and activities such as skiing, but when it comes to anything even remotely dangerous, I'm out!
  I cant tell you how much this bothers me, and what a betrayal it is of my character as someone who “just does it” in their life.  You want me to tell someone how I really feel even if they’ll hate me for it? I’m game. You want me to sing karaoke in front of 200 people doing a song I’ve never sung before? Count me in! You want me to move across country for that great promotion? I will pack my bags and be there in an instant… How can this same person be afraid of a rollercoaster? How can this same person be petrified about speeding on the highway?  It doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t fit into the character I want for my life as someone who “just does it” in life.  So the other day I decided to change all that. As we reached our destination of a beautiful natural 20 foot pool at the bottom of a waterfall in the mountains, I saw my enemy right before me: a large giant cliff.
The day was perfect, I had spent it working on my tan, kissing under the waterfalls, swimming for hours in the deep natural ponds, it was paradise. It would have been perfectly acceptable for me to say the day was as amazing as it could ever be, and to go home tired, a little sunburnt, and blissfully happy, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I knew today was the day I had to face my fear.
One by one, members of our group scaled the side of the mountain and made their way to the edge of the cliff where they dove off into the deep waters. Most of them had finished diving and were now sunbathing, by the time I got the courage to scale my way up to the cliff, The rocks were extremely hot and slick, one false move, one slip and I could easily be killed or seriously injured on the jagged rocks. I stayed looking forward.  By the time I reached the edge I was exhausted and petrified. I crawled my way to the edge and erected my body and I stood up straight looking down at the waters below.  My entire body was shaking, so much so, I didn’t even know how I was able to stand, and it didn’t even seem like my body would function enough to swim once I hit the waters I was shaking so hard.
I stood there shaking looking over the edge, with each passing minute it became harder to breathe, what had I gotten into? Why was I doing this? Maybe this just isn’t for me, and isn’t “My thing”, maybe I should just scale my way back down the cliff, and go home. A line of cliff jumpers started behind me, they had seen me standing there for nearly 30 minutes by this point. I told the man behind me to go ahead, and that I will go after him
“Oh no” he replied,” You have been saying you will jump for the past 30 minutes and haven’t done so, I do not trust you, I will go after you go.”
The people sunbathing at the rocks below called up to me “Just do it! Just count to 3 and walk off”
The man standing next to me, said the following “You know the water is plenty deep, you won’t reach bottom, it is safe.”
“yes I understand” I responded
“You understand, this is a petruding edge, you won’t hit any jagged edges as you jump?”
“Yes, I understand I responded, Im not worried about that, I know I will be fine if I jump.”
“then what is stopping you?” He asked
“Fear” I responded “irrational fear”
Saying it outloud, made it seem all the more absurd.
“Are you going to let fear stop you?” He asked
“think of how liberated you will feel once you reach the water, once you have overcome this fear”
“I know”  I responded, as I looked over the edge at the waters far below and went through a series of expletives in my mind. This was something I did NOT, let me repeat, did NOT want to do. But I was tired; I was tired of letting this fear define me.
Suddenly all the people on the rocks below started screaming and cheering for me “ You can do it!” and “go go go!”
I turned back, petrified, to the man behind me, he said “The crowd loves you, you’ve got to jump.”
I knew he was right, there was no way I was getting off of this cliff, any other way than by jumping off it right here, right now. I looked forward held my nose, and with a leap and a loud scream propelled my body off the cliff into the deep waters below. The water sucked me in like a vacuum, and as I emerged from my jump, I had no other emotion but elation.
 My body was still shaking, my heart was still beating a mile a minute, but I was blissfully happy, I felt liberated, I had done something I didn’t think I could ever do,  I had overcome my fear and was now on the other side of it. 

There are times in life when we are afraid, afraid to face an issue, afraid to be who we are, afraid to make the move; afraid to jump. Why even face these things? It is so much more peaceful and happy in the “comfort” zone, no shaking legs, no chattering teeth, no anxiety. But life BEGINS at the end of our comfort zone. There is a bliss, there is a happiness, there is a joy that can only come from jumping off that cliff, and emerging from the waters below.  It is with fear, it is with trembling, it is with resolve that our greatest destinies are shaped, you can see that destiny to its reality, or you can be happy, comfortable, and safe. You can live a good life in the comfort zone, a happy life.  But, there is a life on the other side, it is a little more uncertain, but it is a great life, a powerful life, a life that changes the world, and it can only be found, when you walk to the edge of the cliff, and despite all your fears, all your reservations, you put one foot in front of the other and “Just jump.”
"If it scares the sh** out of you, if your heart starts beating all over your body when you think of it, if you start to vibrate with energy from your head to your toes, you are on your Path...keep going." – cora poage

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I Stand in Solidarity with the California Inmates who are Starving for Human Rights

On July 8th, California Prisoners began an indefinite hunger strike for basic human rights such as sunlight and human contact.  They have asked for our support. I am here to say, I stand in solidarity with the prisoners fighting for human rights.

I would like you to read the following passage from our declaration of independence. Truly read it.

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies;

Our founders felt it as their duty as moral men to care for their fellow man, and that when government became so overbearing and grotesque that it endangers the livelihood of its citizens, it is the citizen's responsibility and moral obligation to take a stand.  Who are we if we do not stand for the weakest among us? for those who do not have a voice?

Just as in the writings of Martin Niemoller many can argue, that "Hey! I didn't mess up, I'm not in jail, why should I care?" You should care because these are human beings. If you want to fine a person then fine them, if they are sentenced to the death penalty, then give them the death penalty, if they are to serve 5 years then let them serve five years, but you don't lock a human being in solitary confinement for more than 20 years. No human is meant to endure torture or cruel and unusual punishment.
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

So Please, I ask of you, help us be a voice for the voiceless. If you would like to help these prisoners stand with us on saturday as we take a stand with these prisoners for basic human rights.  If you would like to help, Here are a few ways.

The 400 prisoners have just 5 demands:
1) End long-term confinement 
2) End group punishment & administrative abuse 
3) Abolish the debriefing policy & modify gang status criteria 
4) Provide adequate and nutritious food
5) Create & expand constructive programming While hungry, there's plenty to do besides eat. 
1) Call Governor Jerry Brown at (916) 445-2841 to let him know why you are participating.
2) Call your state representatives to let them know why you are participating and that you just called the Governor.  
3) Call up an old friend, preferably living in California, and let them know why this is important to you. Also ask if they wish to fast with you for the rest of the day. For more information:

For more inspiration and ideas, watch the video at the top of this blog!